The weekend saw the release of the long awaited video epic by cult director David (call me Cecil B.) Lloyd.

There was a moment of drama at the premier when the studio boss wanted to know why the film was 12 months late and over budget. Cecil B was heard to mutter “Michael Cimino didn't have this trouble” before flouncing off to his swimming session.
Some critics considered the car chases, shoot outs and sex scenes to be gratuitous, but Cecil B strongly defended his artistic credibility and stressed the need for realism. After all, we are talking about an accountant's office. His only regret that (rather like 9 and a half weeks), some of his best work ended up on the cutting room floor. He considered some scenes just too raw for the target audience, particularly those where the word “tax” was used.
Master cinematographer Maria Szabo was singled out for particular praise. Not only did she shoot the whole film on a hand held iphone, she also edited it on the phone lost the phone, lost the file and then found them again.
 
Praise from the critics:
Camilla Winkleman in the LA Times
I've seen some truly beautiful films in my time. This wasn't one of them.
 
Vampire Magazine
The special effects were stunning. It's hard to believe the whole thing was shot at sea.
 
What Film??
 
Andrew Haughton in the Winnipeg Chronicle
Clive Haughton's portrayal of a diamond geezer in a suit from Sarth London was awesome. Guy Ritchie eat your heart out.
 
Ms Whiplash
When will John Thompson get his hair cut?

If I've missed a joke, please do let me know.
Watch it and weep.